Ask Advice View Archives View Archives - 1998   1999 Winter '99 - January, February, March Spring '99 - April, May, June Summer '99 - July, August, September Fall '99 - October, November, December Winter - 1999 1/4/1999 Question: At what point is it appropriate to NOT seek treatment for DID? I am in my mid-40's and have always been highly functional with few time lapses. My situation (which I do believe to be true) came to light during family counseling with my son for his ADD. Since my diagnosis/counseling, I am becoming increasingly more dysfunctional. I have many more lapses and migraines, and have difficulty sustaining schedules and activities over more that a day. It seems like the situation is spiralling out of control as attention is given to it. It seems better to try to get back to the previous arraingement than to attempt to resolve any perhaps long-standing issues. Yet I am aware that this may be just avoidance on "my" part. What are some determining factors for making this decision? Do you know of any cases of being able to put the genies back in the bottles? Thank you for your answer to my question of 12/18; I found that helpful and appreciate your willingness to be of service to others. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/7/1999 Question: What causes someone to be a compulsive liar? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/9/1999 Question: I'm looking for information related to advocacy of the counseling profession. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/9/1999 Question: My best friend has recently had severe mental problems, resulting from her inability to cope with stress. She was suicidal, but not anymore, and that is because of my help and guidance. But my parents say I am too involved and cannot possibly help her, and they say it has put me in an emotional mess. I agree, the situation has been very traumatic for me and I am too involved. But I am the only person she has to trust, and I am the only reason she is still alive. My parents say this is not possible. Are they right? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: What are the "appropriate safety measures" you mentioned in your reply of 1/6? No contracts or agreements with the other people have been made - should this be done? Finally, is there anything besides the obvious threat to life and limb that meets the professional definition of a crisis? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: When I just entered a question today, the system put it in the list prior to some questions already answered. How does the system determine the order, and how do you know when new questions are posted - is there some kind of system flag that lets you know which notes do not have a reply? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: I have a couple of questions. First I would like to know how can I approach my situation rashtionally. My girl friend has bring kick otu of home by her mom and i as a good person that I am; not to say I'm not, but have taken her in to help her get on her feet, but there is a slight problem. the problem is that i am not that financilally ready to take on such a huge responsibilty; not to say I can't, but i am only 25 years and she is 20 and we wish that we had alot of $$$, but we don't. She is now lookign for work and i feel that if she could find work perhaps thsi whole senerio could then inturn trun all around, but what i would like to know is How do you take action? When i say action i mean how do initiate the progressiveness to take place between her and I? Do you think it can't happen because of diffrences between the ages or do you think it is possible. The other question follows in the same sequence. If I would take on such a responsibilty could I and she handle it at such early ages in our lives? I am getting to return to College on Jan 28th and I have to focus much of my energy on that. Am I wrong to be sort of selfish or am I right to sort of directional in my own way? Please get back to me at my E-mail Address which is Drsan203@Aol.com |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: I am currently studying at the Univerity of Phoenix for my Masters Degree in Counseling. I am presently taking a class in Psychometrics. I would like some feedback from any counselors that may be available to ask them what psychological tests they prefer to use and why (what criteria do they follow in determining what tests they select). Also, what are some of their theories of personality development and how that affects what tests they choose. I apologize for this being a multi-layered question, but I have been experiencing trouble finding counselors locally for a phone or personal interview. I do much appreciate any help you can provide and am very interested in the discussions and chat potential in this website. Thanks a lot. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 1/10/1999 Question: My boyfriend has ended our relationship after 6 years. It came as a complete shock to me. We are both in our 40's and have been previously married. We had a great relationship but he now feels he does not love me anymore.How, do I start to cope with the pain |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: I am 19yrs old, call me Christine.I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and we've been together for almost 4 yrs. Our relationship became physically abusive somewhat over a year ago and has not stopped. We are both responsible for the tension that develops but then HE staps and loses control of his temper and will grab me and push me to the ground, or shake me, and more. Actually the abuse doesn't happen as often as it used to, but the fact that it happens at all is unacceptable and devastates our relationship. Just yesterday there was an incident in which my boyfriend did not let me move a printer out of the way of my homework space - he felt he had to move it.I had just come back from my therapist, and we had talked about recognizing my dependency on him and becoming an independent self-directed person, and so I had that left-over emotional residue of "I am GOING TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF." I felt like he was babying me which bothered me. I glared at him and after a while he asked me to stop, and I didn't. This was when he lost control and grabbed me swang me across to the other side of the room and demanded I leave. He threw my backpack and other stuff out the door and me as well. I felt helpless. I felt so humiliated. I wrote him a nasty "stream of consciousness" email and he replied back apologetically, saying he can't control his anger and that I am not safe to be around him when he's like that; he also said that I have every reason to be angry with him and that he feels empty numb, like killing himself. His self-hate still is tremendous, and he does not want me touch him and he will not look at me. I know this is a lot of "stuff". The truth is, I really don't know what to do. I love him, but I really, really want and feel like we need to go to counseling or else this abuse may never end, or he may hurt himself really bad. How can I get him to go?! I think it is also worth noting that he grew up in a very abusive household, in which his father was on drugs and beat his brothers badly, and him sometimes as well. His childhood involved hiding and avoiding his father. Give me any suggestions that you can, please. I want this relationship to work. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/10/1999 Question: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and we have been living together for almost 2 yrs. I am almost 20 years old. A somewhat over a year ago our arguements started becoming physical and they escalated from there until recently. Now the physical arguements occur "occasionally." I am going to a therapist, but my boyfriend refuses to go. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/11/1999 Question: As a trainee chemical dependency counsellor in Britain working with a Twelve Step treatment approach I am enquiring as to what possibilities would be open for me to work in the U.S when I qualify. My training is solely treatment centre based with no formal academic input. Last year however I qualified as a social worker having taken and completed a three year Bachelors degree in criminology and social policy followed by a two year Diploma in Social Work. Further, I have significant personal experience of my own recovery in a Twelve Step fellowship. If anyone could give any info on this matter I would be grateful. Forgive me if this question is inappropiate for this site. Could you point me in the right direction? Thanks. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/11/1999 Question: A person repeatedly thinks that their mate is thinking something bad of them. Is this some sort of persecution complex? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/12/1999 Question: Thank you for your replies regarding DID issues. I guess I did know there is no going back but needed to hear it from someone with experience in the area. My therapist does follow all ethical practices and creates a safe environment during sessions. I did misread the intent of your reference to safety issues because my concern at the moment is safety from alters' behaviors outside of the sessions. I was hoping there were techniques that could help curtail their taking me to the worst section of the city, playing with knives and matches, etc. - the ISSD guidelines do not address this type of issue. Anyway, thank you for your help, and I do intend to continue in therapy. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/13/1999 Question: I AM interested in a list of techniques for dealing with persecuting alters. There is amnesia and almost total lack of communication between myself and the 14++ alters. My therapist talks to an alter when she presents herself. The four he has talked to so far indicate they cannot help. The therapist and I are at a loss, so suggestions are really appreciated! |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/13/1999 Question: To the WCN Advisor. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my enqury from Britain re; employment in America. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 1/14/1999 Question: I am 20 years old and I have recently developed a very frustrating nervous problem. About two months ago I was attending a new university on exchange and so I became very nervous around people. In class, when everything is very silent, I began to create a lot of saliva in my mouth which would cause me to swallow a lot. This swallowing caused me to be very embarrased because other people could hear it, causing me to think about it more and so to do it more. It went away eventually and I stopped thinking about it when I went home for break but recently I have been extremely stressed out again and I have started class again. The problem is back but much worse, as it bothers me all the time now. I think about it constantly. What can I do to stop this obsessive behavior? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/16/1999 Question: GurGILL India Email: gurgill@hotmail.com I am an employee with a telecom operator in India. I am carrying out a survey to explore the job opportunities in the field of marketing in the software industry and the required associated skills. I plan to use this survey to identify the suitable migration path form the telecom industry to the software. I will be highly obliged if you can please answer a few of the following questions. After graduating in the filed of Electronics and Communication, I post graduated with MBA in International Business Management from the University of Bristol, U.K. I started my career as a consultant with a consulting firm, Cogent. Cogent, was involved in providing management consultancy services to new telecom operators in Asia. I worked for a year with this company and now I am placed with a telecom operator in India. I have been actively involved in the field of marketing with both the companies. At present I have 2+ years of experience. I personally feel that Software is the industry that can provide long-term growth prospects and stability. This has prompted me to migrate to the software industry. However, in the software industry I am interested in one of the following functions: · Marketing ( product development, market planning, channel management and brand management) · Business Analyst · Business development For this I have the following queries: · Are there enough job opportunities in the above mentioned areas in the software industry? · What skills do I need to have for migration to the software industry in the above mentioned areas? · How can I best use my past experience?, i.e. which sector of software is most suitable? · Will my MBA give any advantage to me or I will have to do away with my MBA in short run? · Are there any specific courses that can be used to enhance my skills? I will be very obliged if you can please spare few minutes of your valuable time to answer these questions. Thanking you Yours truly, GurGILL |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/16/1999 Question: i have been taking anti-depressants and find I am pregnant and am worried about the consequences of either termination or pregnancy on my mental well-being.Please advise |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/18/1999 Question: we need information on designing counseling rooms, especially therapeutic bases for design |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/18/1999 Question: Why does a problem seem so much scarier when it is brought out in the open and discussed? I thought it was supposed to work the other way around. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/19/1999 Question: I would first like to say that this service that you offer is wonderful! It is nice to see that the internet does have some intelligent use. I thank you in advance for your time and efforts for helping me and others like myself. My son who is 4, has recently started a new daycare. I was told by the owner of the daycare that she noticed my son has on occasion rocked back and forth during activities such as playing games that he is not quite familiar with. She believed that it was a sign of a learning a disability, slowness. He has always done this since he was a baby. I have always attributed it to him being exciteded. He did this in the car alot, but not as much now. He spent his first 2 1/2 years at home with me and so has not had much experience in daycares. Also, I have myself been diagnosed with a slight Attention Deficit Disorder. His father has a lithium deficiency and a compulsive disorder. I also believe that we are both a "little slow at catching on" sometimes but don't believe that I at least am not stupid. HA HA Please let me know if my son has an underlying disorder and if there are special needs that he may need. I am also concerned that this teacher may label him unnecessarily and do more harm than good. Thank you again for your time and efforts! Teresa |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/19/1999 Question: I understand that in DID all alters are part of one whole person. Even given the reasons for the disorder, the fact that a person can act out abnormally and do malicious things to hisself sounds like the person is crazy or perverted. Am I missing something here? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/21/1999 Question: marrige counselorshave different abbriveations after theirnames . Whatdo they stand for example L.C.S.W. MA.MFT. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 1/22/1999 Question: I am seriously over weight. I know I must loss this weight, I want to but I sabbotage myself everyday. I eat low fat all day but seem out of control in the evening. I am educated in sensible eating, but can't control myself? Help!! I feel totally out of control. Helpless |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/22/1999 Question: I have been diagnosed with two chronic, incurable diseases which have necessitated my taking early retirement from my career in education - a job I loved! Now I feel as if I'm not exactly sure who I am anymore since teaching was such a major part of my life. My head knows that I did the right thing, but my heart hurts. Please offer suggestions for coping. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/22/1999 Question: How is counseling unique among the helping professions? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/23/1999 Question: what makes counseling unique among the helping professions? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/24/1999 Question: For a few years I have been battling depression, self mutilation, and extreme feeling of self worthlessness. I had a brief relationship that inproved things until it ended last night. I love the person dearly and they said they still love me. What do I do to stop feeling the sorrow that I feel? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/24/1999 Question: I am searching for a case manangement mannual - Can you help??? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/25/1999 Question: my wife is driving me nuts she is 55 and i am 50 she acts as if i am fooling around all the time |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/26/1999 Question: 1/26/99 Dear Sirs: I am a 34 year old woman who recently graduated college with her BA in the social sciences. I had originally planned to continue my education towards my Master's in Social Work. I also considered going to law school (and applied - only got into 1 school) and Business School. My first career (for 13 years) was in banking. Due to the instability and constant takeovers of banks, I lost my last banking job and had no plans to return to banking. I was burnt out. I got a job in the social work field (which is the field I thought I wanted to be in 4 years ago)as an exceutive admisnitaive assitant. Only to find out I didn't. I've been in this dead end job for 4 years and am BORED. I also came to the conclusion that I don't think I want to be a social worker anymore. I'm looking for guidance. I want to use my skills, education and qualifications to get a good job but more importantly embark on my 2nd career. I'm not looking for an entry level position. I have too much experince, skills and qualifications. I can't seem to find what my passion is. I'd like to tramsfer all my experince and skills to a field where I don't have to start at the bottom. HELP!!! Please e-mail me at johnhutson@compuserve.com. Thanks, Janet |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 1/27/1999 Question: I allready read the other notes about DID which is why I wrote you my first question (I knew you knew about it). Your answer to my question was much clearer than the things I have read - thanks. I know a person with DID that I want to continue a relationship with if it is not dangerous or anything. I get how terrible things done to a child can cause DID to begin with. What I don't get is why it keeps on after the things have stopped (like when the person is an adult) - that is what seems wierd (is that any better than crazy? What word do you like?). If it is okay to continue the relationship, how can I best help, or what should I do or how should I act? Is there a book you recommend for regular (I mean non-therapist) people to read? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/28/1999 Question: I am 40 years old. I have been looking for a place on the net to discuss problems with drinking. I am not sure if my husband and I are alcoholics, drink to much, or just normal? Usually, while we are fixing dinner, we will drink 3 to 6 to 8 beers. Not every night, usually 3, maybe 4 times a week. I know its adding weight. But is this enough to harm our livers? Also, I am new to the net. Is there a chat-type room for AA |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/29/1999 Question: Hello. I'm asking this in regard to my girlfriend. I love her more than anything. She's going through a lot right now. She's adopted. It's been her and her mother since she was 8 because her dad died. She relies on her mother a lot. Now her mother has found a new boyfriend. She leaves her home alone every weekend. She hasn't been doing great in school she thinks, and she's depressed. She thinks her life sucks. She cuts herself all of the time. Thinks about suicide. She almost died the other night. And yet, she still doesn't know what to do. She Searches for answers as much as she can but can't find them. I don't know what to tell her either. My question, What can she do? To avoid depression and thoughts of suicide. I'm really worried. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/30/1999 Question: Could you suggest some behavior techniques for someone suffering from Generalized Anxiety that bites their nails until they bleed & pulls their hair? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     1/31/1999 Question: my husband is a manic depressive. He has been on eskalith for almost a year. Lately he has increased thirst, urination and diaharra. Should he change his medication or is he taking to much. He is up to 4 pills a day. In addition, I need some ideas on how to calm him down. He is still very irritable and angry. I need some suggestion on how to cope with his moods and how to calm him down once he starts |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/1/1999 Question: I am 21 years old. I have just recently got over a very hard, bad realationship/friendship. I finally am starting to feel better about everthing again, especially now that I have found a new man that likes me and wants to spend time with me. I have known this man for about 3 to 4 years and we get along famously. He is 26. Now, of course there is drawback. He has a 2 and a half year old baby to an EX girlfriend. She had the baby to keep a hold of him, which has done exactly that. He is a very decent person and he is trying to do his best for his baby and is providing for him in all areas and really making an effort to keep some kind of family situation. BUT the EX girlfriend is making life very difficult for him by waiting for him to come home (he works nights) and then yelling and screaming at him non stop about whatever. She is angry that he has a life and that he can go out etc... but she has to look after the child. It was her decision to keep it. So you see he has some serious baggage. BUT I like him and he likes me and he's told me he wants to spend time with me I just don't know whether it's worth the heartache. The Ex girlfriend is quite possibly moving back to where shes from, and He's hoping she will so we can get on with things, but who knows?? Do I wait around for him. Do I just forget about it totally?? If anyone has ANY advice or been in the same situation please help me out. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/2/1999 Question: I've been told that becoming an MFCC is difficult because of managed healthcare, that the jobs just aren't there anymore. I find this discouraging because I very much want to go into this field. Is this in fact true? Would it be more worth my while to look into the field of Social Work? Thanks. Robert Casella |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/3/1999 Question: I am currently taking celexa for depression. 40mg, once daily. wanted to know if higher dosage may help me more and if there is an upper dosage limit. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/3/1999 Question: i am currently taking celexa, 40 mg once daily. It is helping some, but wanted to know if higher dose may help even more, and what the upper dosage limit would be. thanks, kw |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/3/1999 Question: I am 23 and still suck my thumb. Is this a habbit or something deeper? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/4/1999 Question: my husband raised two of three boys and the ex-wife raised the other. now we are being taken to court for back child support ont he two we had in our home. what can we do? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/4/1999 Question: my wife and I have been married for fourteen years. I am very happy and love her ver much. The only thing is just before her and I got together she and a very good friend of mine slept together and until this day I have not been able to get it out of my mind. there are nine years between my wife and I. lately I have been feeling like she only married me as a last resort . How do I over come these feelings. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/4/1999 Question: 2/4/99 I am having a terrible time getting the story straight regarding the professional differences between the M.S.W. degree and the M.F.C.C. license. Unfortunately, I have only a few days left to decide which program to begin study in...Help!! P.S. I have sought out various prof's both in and out of the academic setting and have lists of the strength's and weaknesses of each discipline....and they're the same in almost every way. Also, both of these fields are in competition with each other in the workforce. I need a place to get some objective advice..... |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/5/1999 Question: I am 23 years old and a recent BA graduate in Psychology. I have been trying to find a job between undergraduate and graduate school and I seem to have exhausted all of my resources. I was curious if you could tell me what kinds of jobs I should be seeking working with youth? I realize that with just a BA my options are limited. I just thought it would be good experience for me to take with me to graduate school. Please help. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/5/1999 Question: My in-laws live in a diffrent country and I have only seen them twice over 3 yrs of marriage. But my parents live close to them. My in-laws keep finding things to fight with me over the phone. My father-in-law writes letters full of gruges to us. And everything we do is bad for both of them. They have tons of complains against my parents too. The problem is that we are going to see them next month and I know that I won't be able to keep myself in control and would definitively fight. At the same time I don't want to be disrespectful. Keeping quiet also doesn't help, because they provocate you. Moreover, I'm scared that my husband would also take their side once with them. I don't know how to tackle the situation diplomaticaly, keeping my self respect intact and not hurting anybody. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/6/1999 Question: I'm 26 years old homosexual woman. I never talked about my sexual identity to anybody. And I've been having on and off depression and anxiety ever since I was 16 (when puberty started). I have no social life at this moment because I choose to be that way. I couldn't endure the pain when I force myself to blender into this society. And since then, I've been having nightmare of being killed by a shooter without a face. I want to be free from the recurring dreams and from all. I really want to talk to someone but I can't trust anybody. What should I do??? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/7/1999 Question: An 8 yr old was raped when she was 5 yrs. old. She recovered very well and seemed to bury the pain and horror of event deep inside her. Lately there are signs she may be reaching puberty and she has developed a curiousity about the older children's nakedness. How do we handle the subject of sex delicately? Aslo, she has been acting up at school - lack of attention, rudeness, not doing homework and excessive talking. How to deal with that in light of her background? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/7/1999 Question: My son is very much involved in video/computer games and has started to play role playing games. Is there any harm. How long should an individual play these games? How do these games affect ones attitude, goals and plans, and do they lead to gambling and addictive behaviors. Please email response to sylveste@andrews.edu |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/7/1999 Question: Hello. My boyfriend and I are having problems. His ex-girlfriend has been calling him lately and says that she is coming down next week-end to see him. I have found that I am a very jealous person when it comes to him. Although I am very much in love with him, I'm not sure if this kind of jealousy is normal. The thought of another girl calling him infuriates me!!! The main reason for most of our arguments is my lack of trust in him. I'm so scared that I am pushing him away, but I can't help these feelings of distrust. Help me, please. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/8/1999 Question: Does obsessive worry about homosexuality mean a person is gay? Even if thoughts about persons of the same sex are not arousing? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/9/1999 Question: I wrote the previous question...I had a prostate infection almost four years ago(I am now 22). It was a very traumatic experience. While I was in the hospital, my father asked me if I was gay. He said it wouldn't matter to him. But I was very upset. I don't know why he asked me that. I had been upset four a few months before that over separation from a girl I was crazy over. I didn't tell him that. After I got out of the hospital I found out she was seeing her ex-boyfriend again. That really hurt. I ignored advice and went to visit her in Argentina. The worst thing was trying to deal with my feelings for her and the trauma of my infection at the same time. To make a long story short, I hadn't been able to enter into a relationship after that. I would make excuses such as I wasn't attracted to such and such girl or the ones I "chose" didn't feel the same.I was also afraid of genital pain after ejaculation. One time I turned a girl down, for being scared, and my roommates started pressuring me asking me if I was gay. That made me very nervous. My dad later asked me the same question b/c I was having an episode of hypochondriasis. I still physically feel at times like I haven't gotten over the infection. He thought it was b/c I was trying to cover up for being gay. I began to doubt my own emotions and thoughts b/c I had no explanation to counter his. After all, it was the second time in a few months someone questioned my "preference". Anyway, I began testing myself to see if I was and I couldn't prove I wasn't. I would look at men to see if I was attracted and when I would notice that they were good-looking, for example, it scared me. I get anxiety attacks and I am depressed. That only seems like more evidence to me that my dad was right. But why then would I get so aroused just from talking to the last girl I saw (five months ago)? Can one subconsciously force himself to be aroused or is that genuine? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/9/1999 Question: I don't know what to do. I have been seeing someone for 3 years and they claim they love me to death but she left me to go back to her hometown. She wants me to find a job there. That would mean quitting my great job here. She lives in a small town where the pay is little. I would have to take at least a 30,000 dollar pay cut to move there and there is no guarantee that we will even be together forever. I would be giving up my future to be with her. She claims money isn't as important as her being around her family. I care about her alot but I don't know if I'm ready to give up everything and start over there. What the hell should I do? She is putting all of the pressure on me for a decision. She expects me to be looking for a job there now. I haven't sent out the first resume. Part of me says to be with her, and part says it would be a terrible mistake. What do you think? This situation is killing me. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/9/1999 Question: I have been married for fourteen years and am very much in love with my wife. Before we got together she and a good friend of mine had a one night stand. It had never bothered me until now that I have been in contact with him almost daily for the last year. I can't seem to get it out of my mind. I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/10/1999 Question: What is a good process for figuring out what you really want? I ask because I frequently apply for jobs that I get and then decide I don't like them. I'm 51, too old to keep doing this. Capricious and Tormented |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/11/1999 Question: Hello again-I asked you some related questions a couple of months ago and your answers were very helpful. There is one particular alter (now identified) who has stepped up threatening verbage and actions. My therapist says what we need to do is strenthen me (the host) so that I can stay in executive control. Do you agree with this strategy, either long- or short-term? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/11/1999 Question: how to cope with a broken heart over and over? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/14/1999 Question: Hello...I have been married for almost 13 years and even though we have had our good years and our bad years, overall our marriage has been great. But today I feel like my husband betrayed me. As is usual with most people, money is always an issue. This year his company did not do very well, and his bonus was over two-thirds less than what he has gotten in past years. We also have a new baby and she is on special formula which puts our grocery bill really high and expenses somewhat out of wack. Anyway, today I found out that he took his bonus and paid off the visa bill. Not that this was not a good choice, its just that we struggle from month to month and I had thought that we should consider all of our options before he did that. We seem to do this every year...pay off the bills and then we are still no further ahead. Anyway, the reason I feel betrayed is because when he got the check, I asked him specifically to not do anything with it until we had a chance to talk about all of our options. Then he went on a business trip for a week and has been back two days. Needless to say, with three kids we havn't sat down to talk about it yet. This morning I asked him if he used the money for the visa and he said, oh yeah!! like it was a joke. I was furious....i felt like my opinion meant nothing and that since the check was actually in his name, he had total control over it...even though I stay home to raise the children, I should still be consulted on how we spend our money...I have always been in the past. I just don't feel like married people should treat each other this way. We might have still come to the same conclusion, but at least we would have done it together. How can I get over my total anger and feelings that he actually does not respect my opinions ? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: I'm thinking about speaking to a counselor but am unsure if I should. I'm a 25-year-old woman and am unhappy. More like unsatisfied--it's not to an extreme. A big part of it is that I haven't had a serious relationship yet, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm "unloveable." I dated a guy for a year and a half, but he made it clear that we weren't serious. My parents divorced two years ago, and I never got counseling after that, and I wonder if maybe I have a messed up sense of what a relationship is because I always thought they were happy....Any advice you could give would be helpful. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: I've been married over 12 years and for the second time , over a two year period, have totally mismanaged our money and hid and lied about it. I've gotten us into considerable debt. I think I have a big problem and in order to save my marriage I need to do something about it. I think its kind of like a gambling addiction. Where/How do I seek some kind of help? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: What type of therapist should I seek for my 18 yr old daughter. She has taken drugs - but not an addict(?). She lies, steals from us & can't hold a job. She says she is always bored so she does outrageous things to spice things up. Casual sex is just 1 example. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: Is there any kind of "disorder" that is about a kind of pathological need to have others fall in love with you? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: I'm a female in my early twenties. In my effort to get over an unhappy childhood, I would like suggestions for strategies on politely telling my mother to get out of my life. Almost all my life, I have not gotten along with my mother. To make a somewhat long story short, I was never good enough for her and could never meet her high standards. During most of my childhood, my mother almost constantly scolded me for being stupid, lazy and worthless (one of her favorite labels for me was "big stupid pig"). I often felt depressed and hurt. For a few years, I wanted to end my life and my unhappiness, but fortunately, I finally got the opportunity to go away to school in a different state and stop living with my mother. My life improved greatly. Since then, I have distracted myself by keeping busy, immersing myself in my work, looking at things in a positive way, and using unpleasant experiences to my advantage when possible. After finally graduating from college recently, getting a job, living on my own, and becoming financially independent, I have become even happier. However, I'm still trying to get over some emotional problems. I still tend to feel bad about myself and get depressed. Although I try to think positively and focus on other things, sometimes the old depression comes back, especially at night in a bout of insomnia or after the weekly phone call from my mother. My mother still insists on calling me weekly, saying she's worried about me, and has threatened a few times to visit me. On the phone, as before, she often disapproves of what I do. I try to dodge the interrogations, speaking in evasive, nondescript language and answering in monosyllables. But sometimes it's difficult not to inject a little content, because she is very persistent in her questioning. She also can be very nice at times, but there is no telling when her mood might suddenly change. My question is, how can I tell my mother to get out of my life but not be excessively rude or disrespectful? I have tried using excuses of being too busy or out of town and the like, but she is unable to take hints that I want her to back off. She also has many problems of her own. Among other things, she is sometimes depressed and often lonely; she lives alone, with no relatives or good friends around; I am an only child, my father died about 12 years ago, and my parents had separated nearly 20 years ago. She used to be much more depressed; since I was always the only other person in the house, she could not help but take her frustrations out on me. Although I still sometimes feel hurt, I also know that she has always meant well. She made excessively high demands of me because she wanted me to succeed, and she has always been overprotective out of concern for my well-being. So I don't want to be overly disrespectful and make her life too much worse, but it would just me avoid depression and overly negative thinking if I could avoid contact with my mother. I generally try to surround myself with positive people, but it's difficult for me to avoid feeling depressed and worthless when my mother talks to me as if I were an idiot. Just the thought of my mother can trigger feelings of depression and self-loathing in me. Sorry this message is so long, but hopefully most of the information is relevant. -- Trying to Move On |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/16/1999 Question: I am currently a sophomore in college and am very interested in the field of psychology, but I feel I need some guidance. What can you tell me about the current world of psych.? What would you recommend? I have been both discouraged and encouraged to enter this field. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/16/1999 Question: What subjects should i take in school to become a licensed counselor |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/17/1999 Question: Hello, I'm 20 years old. I am a freshman in college. I graduated from H.S. in 1997. In 1995, when I was 16, I was having the time of my life. Three friends and I were riding down a dirt road. (It was my truck, but I wasn/t driving. Two girls were riding in the back, in the bed of the truck. The person driving was only 15 and begged to let him drive -- which I let him. The truck went out of control and turned over. We all were thrown out. Three lived, one girl died -- she was my girlfriend, I tried to help her when I woke up, but she was dead. Went to the funeral and gave her my class ring/which was buried w/her. From then on things changed i became bad, nothing seemed to much to try. School became a joke. I talked to counslors about this and I think I told them what they wanted to hear - because they weren't hearing me --or so I thought. Experienced some very bad relationships w/others along w/some girls who were very nice and did nothing to be treated so mean as I did. The bad /violent relationship lasted 1-1/2yrs I lost my friends-families respect etc. I finaly realized I needed to change - we both cheated on each other and it was not a good situation. Last summer i met someone entirely different -- who at first wanted nothing to do w/me because of my reputation. After months of chance meetings I gained her trust and started to see her and had my self and her believing I wanted to change and could because I was looking for a sweet relationship--something I felt ready for along w/my decision to start college after two years of just working at a part time job making min.wage. After getting to know her I told her within one month of my past(accident) it didn't take her long to figure out how moody I was at times -- the anniversary of the accident was in August (3years) I just let her suffer, trying to figure out how to make me feel better --How could she? I didn't know how to make me feel better. I have spent a lot of time w/her at first we were together all the time (every day) then when school started we had our own things but still talked every day on the phone. We started arguring about her questions about my mood and attitude. She pried till she knew I was using pot, (only to relax) It makes things clearer I think. And it's good for a few laughs. But I got to the point of trying to just avoid her -- I told her I had no feelings that I didn't know if I could feel love that I really just feel numb. The reason I felt the need to ignore her was the fact this relationship has now lasted about 7 months -- in the past I have never had any trouble walking away after about one month -- but this is different I have never met a more caring, loving person like this. This is very different -- but I feel I have no right bringing her or her family down just because I have all these problems that I need to work out -- Mainly, the answer is "WHY" why did this happen WHY am I here? Why didn't I die? i feel so guilty I can't stand it when I see my friends family and they still look at me like I'm a monster. I don't deserve anything especially to be happy. So my present girfriend, just last week had what I thought would be our final argument about why I feel all this way and she suggested I needed help -- can u imagine it! I couldn't, I told her and her mom I could help myself, that it was no ones business -- and how could any one know how I feel, when I don't know myself! She brought up so things I wrote to her --things which expressed my thoughts and feelings for her -- and would not take my negative feeling now as final. I told her I wanted to leave and be left alone -- she asked if I really know what alone really means -- this girl doesn't quit! I went home and layed in my bed and thought about all the things she had said and done for me over the last 7 months and realized I'd be a fool to let her go -- but I need to know if there is help for me or am I going to have to feel like this forever? I couldn't do that to her she is so giving -- we are so different except I believe deep down I am trying to justify my feelings whether I have any or not -- I asked her the next day to keep telling me whats wrong w/me and I told her I need help and that I wanted her to get me the help I need (is this possible) how will I know if I'm talking to the right person --I tried before and it didn't work PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND THIS! |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/18/1999 Question: To: CreativeSoul is this the only forum that i can reach you (for all to see?) I wrote the Q on the accident. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/18/1999 Question: What role does social work play in forensic psychiatry? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/18/1999 Question: What neurological disorders would exhibit symptoms of sharp head pains and blurry vision? Or where would I find a symptomatic index of neurological disorders? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/20/1999 Question: Stumbled across this site and am hoping that someone can possibly give me some suggestions. I have an *almost* 18 year old son that has definite personality problems. As he gets older, he gets worse. I have to admit that we do not get along well. Now, he doesn't talk to me at all. It would take me pages to describe what he has done. I am concerned about my son and also becoming afraid for my safety. Don't know if that is warranted but it has crossed my mind. When he was younger, I physically dragged him to a counselor's office for 6 weeks. He absolutely refused to talk to anyone. He refuses to go to counseling. I have gone to counseling but all the counselor did was recommend I get Prozac from my doctor. I feel I have no options and don't know where to turn. Is there any way I can get my son counseling or evaluated if he refuses to go willingly? I hate to do this but I am getting more and more concerned. Just today, he got mad because I washed his laundry!! He won't talk to me, won't interact with me, etc. I had gone out to do some errands and came home to find he had completely disconnected my computer. I told him he was grounded and not to go out. He left and on the way out, spit on his sister's boyfriend's truck for absolutely no reason. He obviously harbors a lot of anger and particularly towards me. He needs help. I need help. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. A failure as a Mother. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/21/1999 Question: I am a Master's student in a school counseling program. I am investigating the role family therapy could/should play in the public education system. Do you have any insight? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/22/1999 Question: I have a teenage daughter who creates havoc in our home, she is constantly rude and obnoxious, flouts all are rules and generally does not listen to a word, we as parents try to teach her. She has recently returned from an overseas excursion, where, she had told us, she lost her virginity (resulting in a pregnancy) and she experimented with drugs. We (my husband and myself) have always been open about sex and drugs and have often told her of the consequences that might arise from doing either, and to consult us about contraception if she feels she is going to have sex. All in all, our teachings and openness have got us no where. Everything we have taught her seems to have been for naught. She has had an abortion, and yet her attitude has still not changed, creating untold conflict in the home, which is creating havoc with my husband and my relationship. How does one get a teenager that has gone and experienced everything her parents have warned her about, and one that has a large attitude problem with their parents, to finally see that the only problem in the home is herself. What do we as parents do?? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/22/1999 Question: I guess I left a lot out of my last inquiry. No, the 8 yr old rape victim is not my child. Her parents don't have the $ (nor do they believe in it)for long term therapy, which I encouraged. Their belief is that the child has dealt with the rape and is recovering.I don't believe it is that simple even though she is a tough little kid. I am a good friend of hers and her family. They seem to respect my influence with her. I just don't know how to handle it. The child is very self contained and it is extremely difficult to get her to talk about her problems. Also, I am concerned that as she reaches puberty (which she is showing signs of now), she won't have the right answers regarding her own sexuality. I want to know 1)can she get over this trauma 2) warning signs that she is not recovered 3) what are some practical ways to help her deal with her sexuality 4) is it possible she has coped with this horror and won't suffer in the future? 5) how do I draw her out of her shell. 6) how do I convince her family she needs professional help. I would like to help her as a lay person the best I can. Thanks for your help. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/22/1999 Question: I need some advice concerning my marriage.. Is there an amount of pain we must endure before were entitled to walk away? Is there someway to know when weve sacrificed enough for the sake of for better or worse? When we make decisions as adults do we have the right to make changes when it effects so many? Do I have the right to even think about me as an individual as a person without these responsibilities?I have to say the fear of staying is not as great as the fear of leaving! Does that mean that by staying Im a coward or that Im honorable? I want to be happy, happy with who I am but is it fair too weigh this against who my children need,and what they need? stressed... |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/22/1999 Question: What percentage of teenage women masturbate? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/23/1999 Question: my girlfriend has been experiencing nightmares lately. she is 20 yrs old and studing in europe until summer. she has experienced nightmares in the past although they were rare and usually about one or two specific fears she developed as a child from real events. nothing consistant nor constant. this is her first experience away from home. her nightmares have increased in quantity, now affecting her sleep to a good degree. they have also become different in subject as she now is being chased by a man trying to kill her as well as her prior nightmares. she has been away for about a month and has been emotionally taxed due to the geographically changes as well as the emotional ones of being away from those she loves. is there some advice i can give her or a website or book i could refer to, to help her thru this time? if someone is willing to point me in the right direction i would be appreciative. my email is alinla@geocities.com if someone would like to contact me further regarding this or if i left out important details. thank you. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/23/1999 Question: What do I do if I have parents who doesn't appreciate me? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/23/1999 Question: How important is it to become state licensed? What would the benefits and limitations be in do so. Are there any Christian based licensing boards? If I was licensed in Georgia would that transfer to Florida. Thanks for your help! |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/24/1999 Question: Hi. I am a student at a high school. I am enrolled in an internship where we are now working on a career project. I plan on becoming a psyhcologist of some sorts and I would like to know if there is any information you would be able to give me. I do plan on attending University of St. Francis in Joliet, IL. Please let me know. Thank you for your time! |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 2/25/1999 Question: I have a younger brother, 42 yrs old non-smoker good health, has epilepsy since age 16. In the last 7-months he lost his job due to memory loss, he was unable to retain information from the day before. His doctors in Montreal told him it must be related to a childhood learning disability. Could it be his drugs taken for his disorder? Please advise. jamesjohnson@attcanada.net |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/25/1999 Question: I am having a difficult time dealing with the end of a friendship of nearly 20 years. I think that there was no way to save the friendship and there was a lot of issues building up under the surface, and when one event over a dog occured...well it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had to give up a dog because it was biting my husband and she disaproved and said I wasn't trying hard enough. I understand she was attatched to the dog(because she had watched the dog for us on several occasions), but the dog was starting to turn on me too. I had to make a difficult adult choice and my family was the one to have to live with the results. I did take the dog to a shelter and it did find a new home with children and no men(who she was scared of), but the friend wrote me a horible letter telling me she couldn't deal with me right now and that I did not try hard enough and so on. Giving up the dog was hard enough and as my best friend I think she should have tried to suport me, but she was just concerned with how much the loss going to hurt her. Well of course I wrote her back, angry at the time, but I managed to keep a level head telling her fine maybe we should just stay away and that I don't think the dog was the only problem between us. Well that was four months ago and we have not spoken sence. I really don't think the event is really the my problem. I understand the friendship is over and I am not interested in renewing it. The problem is that I can not get over it I am still hurt and angry that my Best Friend choose a dog she only knew for three months over a friendship of nearly twenty years. Everyone tells me that we are both to blame and I can see that, but I really want to move on and feel better. It really doesn't help that most of our mutual friends don't talk to me anymore and she seems not to be affected by all this. Now I know that most people would say go and talk to her, but that is really out of the question. How can I deal with this on my own and am I crazy for still feeling this way four months later? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/26/1999 Question: My husband and I have a four year old son and a 19 month old daughter. We also had a son the year before my oldest, but due to chromosome problems he only lived seven weeks. We do have a few pictures around the house, but my son has never asked who the baby is in the pictures. He thinks it is him. I have told him about Tyler when he was younger, but he doesn't remember. My husband feels we should leave it alone. I feel the longer we wait to talk to him about it the harder it will be for him to understand. What do you think? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     2/28/1999 Question: How do I handle a situation about a person who has suffered a great loss. (The loss was someone in his life who died) He is my boyfriend. He is very depressed and is just now starting to see a therapist. He feels that until he can work out his own problems, that we should put our relationship on hold. He has been avoiding being with me, while still telling me he doesn't want us to break up, that he still loves me, and that there is no-one-else. He says he is very confused by his feelings because of his past loss as well as bad relationships that followed. I asked him why it took this long to feel this way and he says he doesn't know, except to say that eventually every one gets hurt. Is he just afraid to make this committment? We always got along so well. Never had any problems except when he started to get very moody about 3 months ago. Is there any way I can help or should I just walk away? He also has said he doesn't want to bring me down because of his problems, and that I deserve better than him. I love him very much and have continued to tell him so. I don't know how long I can handle this rejection. His way of handling his problems is drugs/alcohol, which I didn't see until the last 3 months get really bad. I'm 18 he's 20. It's scary to watch someone in so much pain. He's only been to his Doctor once and he first said he has hope, but during this past week seems more depressed than before, and worried that there is no hope for him, and that he's doomed for the rest of his life - so why bother! Would his doctor tell him to break off our relationship (one of the only positive things in his life) or is he just trying to save me from seeing him this way, and not letting me try to see him through this rough time? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/2/1999 Question: I have a problem right now that seems to be one that I've always carried around with me, but is getting worse. I graduated from college about 8 months ago with a degree that I don't feel I fully earned, but with the massive amount of debt I've acrued since the age of 18, I knew that continuing on as an adult student would not be feasable. I began working full time at the coffee shop that supported me as a student when my education came to an end. I was doing well and making an above average wage considering the job until I worked so many hours on my feet that I attained a stress fracture. I had to resign from the position (since it was mainly bartending)- and that was a week before Christmas. Over the last 2.5 months, I've gotten more and more frightened about going out into the world and putting my education to use. I don't believe that I am skilled enough for what I touched the surface to do, or am too afraid to be assertive in asking for training or proper wages. I discovered that at first when I didn't get the response I wanted from business in my field (art), I began falling for schemes and/or practices which it would take a good while to even earn some training pay. Now I feel as if I've fallen out all together- sometimes I spend 2 to 3 days in a row in my apartment, sometimes not even taking a shower. In some ways I've gotten a bit weary of people in general, but I would not consider myself paranoid or anti-social. It worries me that I'm willing to get up and go sit with my friends or be with my boyfriend (an hour drive away), but not to spend this energy looking for a job. It's as if I start everything, but never finish it. I do not feel unloved or actually even particularly sad- but I do feel all stopped up or maybe nothing at all. (I can't cry or create.) My financial situation without working is about to reach critical mass to say the least. My ability to focus my attention has gotten worse. I put my energy towards things that don't really matter (aka, updating address books and alphabetizing CD collections, etc.) My parents love me and want me to come home (2.5 hours away in another state), but there's just enough will left in me not to oblige. I feel as if I've always lived my life on the brink of my potential and never ever jumped in. I know this sounds like depression, which to some degree I think it is- but I keep feeling like there's something else at work here too. I want to go to counseling of some kind, but without money I feel as if I won't be able to. How can it be possible that one can be aware of their own personal issues or at the wealth of opportunity in front of them, but still can't react properly? Is this where the term "ignorance is bliss" comes into play? It seems as if I already have the answers inside myself, but that something won't let me begin. What's wrong here? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/2/1999 Question: I am a forensic photographer who has a six year old son who lives with me. At what age is it safe to let him know what I really do for a living. I photograph dead people, drugs, guns and other subjects that my exwife feels are harmfull for him to be exposed to. She is asking me to lie to him and I do not want to if I can help it. What should I do? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/2/1999 Question: What is the best treatment for deppresion? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/3/1999 Question: My question is regarding my husband's behavior - I don't know whether to interpret it as controlling and possessive or simply loving and concerned...I am beginning to feel stifled, suffocated, but don't know whether I am justified in feeling this way...My husband has a flexible job, makes his own schedule, has much free time during the day. He pops into my place of work at least once daily, for no apparent reason, shows up where I go for coffee in the mornings, calls and if I am not in gets uneasy...One time he actually got into my computer at work, and read my e-mails and looked at what Web Pages I visit. He just recently decided to join the gym that I go to - one of the few social situations I have outside work and family, where I can talk to people. By him being there, people (and I am not sure whose fault this is) tend not to talk to me. All of this I guess could be interpreted as him loving me, and wanting to spend time with me...(but as it is, I have no life outside of my job and my family, and for the most part if I am not working, I am with him and my kids), but it is making me feel as if I have NO privacy, nothing of my own that is separate from him, as well as feeling as if I am being controlled. He also tends to make negative comments about my attire; if I dress up, he doesn't say "you look nice"...he says, "Where are YOU going like that?" He says the same thing if I happen to wear matching lingerie. I am curious to get another opinion on this behavior, and whether I am overreacting, or am justified in the way his behavior makes me feel. Any and all comments will be greatly appreciated. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 3/4/1999 Question: I WANT TO TRAIN AS A COUNSELOR WHAT IS THE BEST WAY FOR ME TO DO THIS AT A LOW COST |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/5/1999 Question: Is it normal for a lesbian to be jealous of another woman's interest in a male friend of hers? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/5/1999 Question: Is it common that a sexually abused woman turn lesbian? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/6/1999 Question: I am a 34 year old professional in India.I got married recently and have a son now. By profession I am a Chartered Accountant in Private Practice. During my childhood I used to suck mt thumb a lot ,but till date I haven't got over this practice. Iam unable to zero down on the cause for this problem to persist.My parents are both working, and my mother started working since my Dad was not doing very well . Due to both their preoccupations they probably did not spend enough time with us.( I have a younger sister too) What could be the reason and how do I solve this ? I also bite my nails and fingers a lot. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/8/1999 Question: I'm a student at OSU and I'm expecting a BS in Human Development and Family Science. At some point I would like to apply for the LCP. What kind of a job or internship should I be looking for prior to graduate school? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/8/1999 Question: I am an LPC-intern in Texas. Eventually, (within the next 5-10 years) I want to be in private practice in Little Rock, Arkansas. What advice do you have for preparations I need to begin today in order to reach that goal? Is a Ph.D. in psychology necessary? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/10/1999 Question: Thank you, in advance, for this opportunity. I am a 34-year-old woman who has been in psychotherapy for eight years with the same therapist and have been a member of a group he facilitates for almost six years. I have experienced a great deal of growth working with my therapist and my fellow group members. My question deals with my feeling ready to end my therapy with him and the group. I know I still have more issues to work on, but want to be on my own right now. And I want to possibly try other methods of therapy (EMDR, Radix, etc.) As my therapist encouraged, I have been discussing this issue as much as possible. It's been three months now. And the feelings only seem to get stronger. Though last night in group, I started feeling hurt and uncertain (I'll get into that later). Two weeks ago, I announced to my therapist that I wanted to finish therapy within the next five/six weeks. Various group members have been out sick or on vacations during this time, and I wanted to have everyone there for my final three sessions. My therapist has not been supportive of my leaving. He says that I am acting on my emotions; that I am making this decision within a storm of emotions/anger. He also says that I stopped working on my therapeutic growth since I've brought up the idea of ending therapy; therefore, I have stopped growing. He said he had hoped that I would be able to work through this emotional storm and come out the other side ready to continue working. I don't feel like I'm in a storm of emotions. For the most part, I've been feeling emotionally quite well. Many wonderful things have been happening in my life over the past year and a half, and I'm feeling stronger, more assertive, more self-assured, confident, more alive. I am able to address conflicts with others in a diplomatic and positive manner. I'm pursuing dreams more and more. I seem to be attracting healthier people into my life. The group members seem supportive for the most part. They admit they will miss me, as I will miss them. They have brought up some issues I still need to work on. One member mentioned that I could always fall back on a 12-step program (ACOA is my preferred group). My therapist as of late seems distant, which I sense as him being angry, hurt or frustrated with me. Sometimes, this distance seems manipulative. Perhaps, I'm being paranoid, but remember, this man knows me very well. One of my key issues is that I don't like being ignored. I also am a people-pleaser (This need isn't as strong as it used to be) Another hint of possible manipulation might be: Last night (which I had announced to him would be the first of my last three sessions with the group), he told us we have the opportunity to participate in a Radix workshop (getting at stuck/stuffed emotions through body work). The workshop is more than two months away; our therapist usually gives us one-month's notice. He also knows that of all his patients, I really look forward to these sessions, and have been trying to connect with our Radix facilitator down in Indiana to participate in a week-long session on my own time. (Yes, it could just be coincidental.) If you would like more background history, let me know. Thank you, again. So, what do you think? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/10/1999 Question: Hi! I'm a 26 year old post-graduate student (psychology). I've a problem about speaking in English, actually I should be a fluent English speaker. However, when I'm sitting in any seminar room either sitting down or standing up, I can't say even a short sentence or cannot present my feeling or idea well. I find it really frustrating. I also have the problem of cannot concentrate on reading most of the time. Sometime, I might think of my relationship with my husband, since we always argue to each other. I really love him, but he seem don't really get that and and always say somethings that not appreciate me, even I had told him that I don't want to hear that. Now, I always go to study alone and reduce the time that we can meet together. Can you advise me what can I do, and what's going on with me. Thank you so much for your kind help. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 3/11/1999 Question: Is it common for a sexually abused woman to make up stories about her past? Does lying serve her as a "protective barrier" from reality? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/11/1999 Question: I have a Bachelors' in Social Work. I live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and would like to know how do I get certified as a Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADC)? Also, a Certified Counselor in Mental Health(CCMH)? Could you also explain to me what is ASI and PCPC in Substance Abuse treatment? Thank You. I'll be waiting for our response? lupina@webtv.net |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/11/1999 Question: My girlfriend and I love each other but we have 3 problems all are pretty difficult and I don't really know how to handle them. 1) My girlfriend is now turned off to having sex at all because I take alot longer to climax than she does and she thinks that she is doing it wrong and that I am not enjoying it (which I do and have tried to reassure her). Now when it seems like sex is a possibility she will start to think and wont want to have sex after all. So how do make her comfortable enough that she will allow herself to become aroused and once I can get back to that, How can we manage to make sure that we don't experience the problem again and the whole cycle again? i.e. how do I either make her comfortable with me taking longer and it not seem like work(her words) or make myself climax sooner so that its not an issue at all 2) We will be progressing great and will be showing each other how much we love each other and then we will get to a point were it seems like our relationship goes to another level and even though she is the one that takes us there, i.e. talk about moving in or go grocery shopping together)she loves it then the next day she will start to think about what has happened or seems to have happened then she will back off and become distant to the point where she will evaluate the whole relationship. 3) She is maybe moving to Toronto in May and I don't know how to have a long distance relationship? Please help Mike |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/12/1999 Question: My problem is that I am a recent graduate with a MEd in Counseling and I am unable to find a job in the city I live in. We own our home and my children are both in school. No one wants to move for me to get a job. The job market is flooded with counselors in the city I live in. Any suggestions. Lee |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/12/1999 Question: My question is regarding my suspicion that my husband is stealing money from his employer, which just happens to be my father. We are a family with two young children, and not a lot of money to spare - so that the incidences when I have found first $200, then $450 in cash (my husband's job has him dealing with large amounts of cash) that seem to have come out of nowhere.... We keep a little box with our cash in it, and when I asked him if the $50 that we had in there was all we had till we get paid again, he said yes, while I knew that he had the $450 in his jacket pocket (I often borrow his jacket, and came upon it accidentally). So I know that he is lying, but my question is: How do I approach this? Do I confront him? What if he is stealing? What then? What in the world would make him do this? I know that he is spending the money on hunting stuff, guns particularly, which is another thing that concerns me, and over which we have argued. How do I proceed, and am I overreacting? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/13/1999 Question: I am planning to open a Christian Counseling Center in my hometown of Kingsport, TN. I need to know the legal regiremnts to open such a practice for the state of TN and do not know where to look. Can you help me? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/13/1999 Question: Two years ago my parents separated after my father had an affair. Two months later I found out I was pregnant and moved in with my boyfriend. We are now living together 17 months together and i still don't trust him if he comes home late after going out for a drink with his friends. This is causing numerous fights and I'm losing my temper a lot and starting to get violent towards him when we fight. The thing is I know he is not the type to stray. Help, Lola. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/15/1999 Question: how to stop a bully from asserting aggressive behavior towards me |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 3/16/1999 Question: I have relationship difficulties with a particular individual at my church. She is the Choir Director. I now only participate in a handbell choir. She feels that I harass her when I ask questions or have a different opinion that what she has. Often she tends to blame me for other problems that might arise. An example is: I also play handbells in another church with an advanced group, on Sunday I missed the runover practice but was there to play for worship services. The group as a whole sucked!! I was told that it was my fault because we are co-dependant upon each other and the group screwed up because of me not being there (at the warm up practice). However I don't feel it's my responsibility because 1st of all I am not the director and secondly I know my part perfectly. I love my church and I love music, I enjoy the type of music she does however there are others such as the minister who feel I should let her be and do other things. Also this individual seems to think that I regard the handbell group as a lowly group which I DO NOT! HELP PLEASE! The minister at the church is a rotating minister so they tend to let things go along however. Staff parish has told me to deal with others and not directly with her however she keeps informing me that she is the Director and I am suppose to only DEAL WITH HER. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/18/1999 Question: Hi, I'm 33 years old and am pregnant. The father is a man who I thought I was in love with. The baby wasn't planned but I've been wanting one for a long time. It turns out that my boyfriend is a heavy crack user. I want to get out but don't know where to turn. Can you help put me in the right direction? I live in Ocala. FL. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/19/1999 Question: ARE YOU AWARE OF ANY VETERANS ASSESSMENT FOR INTAKE JOB SERVICE DOL MATERIAL PLEASE ADVISE THANKS SIMON SHARP |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/19/1999 Question: ARE THERE ANY LAWS TO PROTECT MALES FROM DOMESTIC VIOLANCE AND WHY IS THE LEGAL SYSTEM NO ENFORCING THESE LAWS? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/21/1999 Question: counselling strategies for unwanted pregnancy |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/21/1999 Question: counselling strategies for unwanted pregnancy |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/23/1999 Question: is anxiety bad? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/25/1999 Question: Hello again. I asked you several questions about DID a while ago. My question this time is, what does "working through" a memory entail? Is it more than acknowledging the occurence of a particular event and the emotions associated with it? Thanks for your willingness to help. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 3/25/1999 Question: I am a graduate student researching the role of the school counselor and I need various opinions. This is very brief and informal and would be of great help to me. Please include your title. My email is sue1124@prodigy.net |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/26/1999 Question: I FEEL SAD ONE MOMENT AND THE NEXT I FEEL HAPPY BUT, MOSTL CONFUSED? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/26/1999 Question: Discuss adolescent adjustment to divorce |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/26/1999 Question: hi, i have a question and i dont know how to solve this matter myself.it's regrading family matter, and i am trying not to hurt families memebers.my mother & father have been divorced for several years now and i am over 18 yrs old, but when it comes to family functions i dont have enough tim to share with everyone. i would like to have everyon at the same family function ut my father refuses to be in the same room with my mother. my mother has a boyfriend now, my father is in his own la la land and doesnt really care about anyone but him self. i have a 3 yrs old daughter and he doesnt even bother to see her that much, though we live bout 15 mins away. when we celebrate holidays he doesnt care if he is really there. but on my fathers side i have grandparents and they wont be in the same room with my mother cause then my father will know, they would come to family functions with my mother if my father would but he wont. so this leaves me havn two or three family functions and im sick of spreadn my self thin when it doesnt seem like he doesnt even care. but then it makes my grandparents feel left out. i just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im going crazy panicky inside all the time tryn to figure things out. please can u help me??? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/26/1999 Question: My husband had a one-time sexual encounter with my best friend...to further complicate matters, I work with my ex-best friend, in the same office, 10 feet apart, for the past 20 years. Both she and my husband have tried blaming the other for the encounter, but admitted that I was totally faultless, and both are sorry that they've hurt me...my problem is???what do I do now...I don't want to lose this job, I have gained respect and salary advance along the way, the benefits are great, and I get 24 days vacation every year...I miss my friendship with my co-worker, but we are getting along on a business level, and social level too. My husband and I are going into counselling, and I want to continue my marriage, as long as this is the last of it...I guess my question is? How can I maintain both "friendships", learn to trust either of them again, and stop crying, hurting, and being scared and confused? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/28/1999 Question: I have major problems right now and need to determine the best counselor to see, and I would like to see if someone here would like to give me some precounsel. I have been married for 15 years, I am not happy in my marriage. I have recently had a lover that is very intense but she has now told me she needs space (she is going through a divorce not because of me), and I have a job that I am not happy with since I take on too many responsibilities and really don't then perform them to the best of my ability. I am really screwed up, upset, and thinking of going to someone to help me sort things out. I am really unhappy, I want to be happy, and I am willing to do anything that will make me happy. Even if that means divorce, and change of jobs. But, I don't want to irrationally make decisions until I talk to someone and find out the real reasons that are making me unhappy. My lover has told me to give her space, which is driving me nuts, and causing me to be very depressed. I have talked to my wife about being unhappy, and she has tried a few things that she thought would make me happier, but they are just superficial to the real problem. She was abused as a child and has never dealt with those issues, but they have surfaced in our marriage. I need to talk to a professional, please help me. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/29/1999 Question: Hi, i am an 18 yr old indian male. The problem is with my 17 yr old sister. She gets very angry over small things and that is causing a serious problem in our family.A month ago she cut off her hair as her hair was falling off.She wants it to grow to its full length within three months and that is not possible.It would take 4/5 months to grow to that length.that is a reason behind her anger and disappointment. Secondly,she gets angry over small and insignificant things .The worst part of such angers is that it continues for 2/3days.There is just not enough logic behind getting so angry.She has also become very impatient and inconsiderate. Often she acts immtaurely like kids.Such as ,if she wants to go somewhere she has to taken there .Otherwise she will get terribly angry. At this moment she is so angry that she is not speaking to us.The reason is that she was not given something exactly when she wanted it. Please write back. Email; Jimi_Choudhury_1998@yahoo.com PEter Devilvus |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/29/1999 Question: Family violance |View Answers to This Qusetion|     |Search the Counselor Directory| 3/30/1999 Question: My stepson is 13yrs. old and has been suspended for the third time this month. It is driving his mother crazy, and I don't know how to help her with him. |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/30/1999 Question: Hi, I a young woman in my early 20's. Recently my boyfriend of three years wants to get married. The problem is he once had an encounter with someone else while we were still growing futher in our relationship. Nothing sexual occured in this situation but now I don't trust him no matter how much he has apologied. He does so much to regain trust with I continue to deny him. Sometimes I can't stand dwelling anywhere he is. I've done some seriously unkind things toward him because I want him to just leave, but it just makes him more attached. I still have some love left in me just not enough to forget how he beguiled our relationship. What next? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/30/1999 Question: Hey I have a 5 year old boy. That I have legal custody for. There is a legal father involved but is not the biological father. I don't know what to do because the legal father is physically, mentally, and sexually abusing my child. He is suppose to have supervised visitations but when he (the legal father) gets to his mom and dads house it's not getting supervised. I have been fighting with the courts, my lawyer, counselors, doctors so we can find a way to get my child to talk and I am not sure what else to do. My child has been threatend that his mommy is going away, killed, or hurt really bad. I try to ensure my child that nothing will ever happen to me but I can't get him to trust me anymore. I usually have to fight with him to go with the legal father. And if I don't let him go, I will have contempt of court and possible jail. There is some proof what the father has done. It's just getting my child to talk. Please can you help me with this. I am worried about my childs safety, because the father can and will hurt him really bad. I am on pins and needles when he does go and I am worried all the time about this. My son comes home and is very angry with me. Please help me!!! |View Answers to This Qusetion|     3/30/1999 Question: IS there anyone willing to be my professional interview for a psychology paper? |View Answers to This Qusetion|     Back to Archives Main     Back to Ask Advice Main Questions? Contact Us. CounselingNetwork.com is a New Media Network channel and a service of New Media Solutions, Inc. Copyright 1999-2009. All rights reserved. WCN Disclaimer. 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